While reading an article the other day, I came across this Latin word: Errare. After looking up for its meaning, I found that errare means to wonder, to be lost, to go array. It made me think about a different meaning this word has in the English language, errare also means to make a mistake.
I’m constantly worried that the decisions I have made until now might have been mistakes. If I had taken a different decision I wouldn’t be where I am today. But, does that mean that I would be somewhere better? We all make mistakes, I’m sure of that. If errare is to wonder, maybe mistakes are ways of wandering through this journey we all call life. Instead of looking at our choices as mistakes, a better option would be to look at them as learning experiences. I must admit that sometimes thinking of a mistake as a learning experience is really hard.
Lately, I wonder a lot. I wonder about the past, the future…and the present is caught up between the two. My past has led me to my current situation. I’m living in a country, where after more than three years, I still can’t call home. It was my choice to move here. This choice seems to have been a mistake. I have looked for a job where I can finally do something I love, (journalism/film/gender) only to collect rejection emails and phone-calls. Did I study the wrong thing? Did I come to the right place? My present will affect my future. The choices I make now possibly can damage my future. My life seems to have come to a halt, where I can’t distinguish one day from the other because they all blur into the same memory.
While I’m certain that there are more mistakes to be made… I fear those future mistakes. Discussing this topic with a friend, we concluded that taking action, even though has the potential of becoming a “mistake” is far more effective at living life and creating a future than standing still waiting for things to happen on their own, because they won’t. Not making a mistake, would be making the MISTAKE. Are you following?
My friend feeling how deep my concerns and fears are, also told me this: “do not regret your decisions or past actions, because at one point in time you believed in them and they made you happy.”
I leave this post, still confused and confronted with the fear of making a decision about where to go, what to do, when to do it and how to do it.